What they didn't say about Shoppingham...

So, we now have a new five-year plan to make Shoppingham bigger and better. It’s been nine months in the making and it can’t come a till-ring too soon.
I’m not going to bore you with all the detail of what it says – you can find that here www.thisisnottingham.co.uk/business. Instead, I’m going to stream-of-consciousness about what it didn’t say…
Clumber Street: we brag about the fact that it has some of the highest pedestrian traffic in Europe as though it’s a retail icon.
Oh really? The only reason so many people use this dreary little alley is that they’re walking from the Vic Centre to Old Market Square. As far as I can see it’s one of the tackiest thoroughfares in town.
The crossing near M&S: probably the only street in the world that makes shoppers feel like they should have undergone counter-espionage training before they left home. You just know that the chuggers and lifestyle surveyors are going to get you.
All those mobile phone shops: full of staff lurking in doorways ready to drag you in and threaten you with a ‘free’ upgrade or death-by-a-thousand texts.
Bridlesmith Gate: just how many sisters do they think Imelda Marcos has got?
Flying Horse Walk: I wonder if any of those posh wedding frocks ever smell of cheese? And what’s with this ‘FH Mall’ nonsense? This is a shopping arcade, not a lad’s mag.
Exchange Arcade: http://www.bettys.co.uk/ in a unit near the dome, please.
Derby: you can keep your Westfield, because even though it looks nice it’s really just another big mall. Give us http://www.bennettsirongate.co.uk/ instead.
Broadmarsh: was a social cesspit in the 19th century, is a 70s throwback now, and should be renamed and replaced by this:
www.benoy.com/html/Projects.cfm?projectID=255&level2link=&projectName=Malta%20Lake,%20Poland
I like the grass roof. And wouldn’t it be nice to have a centre designed by local talent like Benoy?
And finally…to all those retail chains suffering right now: how, after years of raking in money during a consumer boom, do you still manage to serve up a shopping experience dominated by no product knowledge, no customer service and no sense you value the people who walk through your door beyond the size of their wallets? You are about to pay a very heavy price for failing to invest in staff training.
PS – Hockley. Just an afterthought really. Which is how everybody else seems to treat this little gem. Shame on us.